Today I spent a nice few hours with my lovely 84 year old mum. I don’t normally visit her on a Sunday but she’s incapacitated at the moment due to a sore ankle. She had a fall at home about a week ago and although there are no broken bones she has been fitted with a special “boot” and has been told to rest the leg for about 6 weeks.

We went out for a nice lunch, just to have a change of scenery, and we then went on to visit mum’s friends Anne in her care home. Mum was concerned that she couldn’t get the bus to visit Anne because she was a bit “wobbly” on her feet.

Upon our return to mum’s house I put the kettle on and we sat down to tea and a chocolate digestive biscuit. Mum reminded me that as a child I always asked for a chocolate biscuit when I wasn’t feeling very well, and it usually worked. I invariably felt better after a couple of chocolate digestives, and my mum has never forgotten the fact. I suggested that maybe the clue was in the biscuit’s name, and the digestive probably settled my tummy.

I then suggested that maybe all ailments were curable with different biscuits, and we began to explore all the names of the biscuits we knew and what problems they might cure. I immediately pointed at her swollen ankle and said “Hob Nobs”, or maybe a “Club”biscuit.

So, here is the list of biscuits we laughed about;

“Garibaldi” – thinning hair.

“Bourbon” – alcoholism.

“Jammie Dodgers” – menopause.

“Choc chip cookies” – personality disorders.

“Nice” – anger management issues.

“Chocolate Fingers” – diarrhoea.

“Jaffa cakes” – false tan issues.

“Custard Creams” – wrinkles.

“Table Water Biscuits” – cystitis.

“Viscount” – posh people.

“Shortbread” – poor people.

“Penguin” – double hip replacement.

“Taxi” – reluctant driver.

“Ginger Nuts” – sunburn.

“Rich Tea” – wealthy people.

I think we did ok with our list, but of course you may be able to think of many more. It was a good day all round, mum fed, watered and cheered up. Job done.