Glossy, shiny full of crap

They’re on the shelves, the woman trap

Luring us with shocking tales

Celebrity stories in great detail

“How to”guides- like shedding pounds

Advice on marriage  knows no bounds

Recipes for leftover meat

Make curry for a midweek treat

They patronise like we are thick

The smartass comments make me sick

They tell us how to run our lives

By making us be better wives

They teach us how to fake a tan

Put hair up in a messy bun

A bikini body in just 6 weeks

Sun kissed hair not using bleach

How to wear the latest fashion

Your comfy look will take a bashing

Photographs of stupid styles

Your other half would run a mile

Exaggerated killer heels

To us OAP’s they’ve no appeal

Advice they give on keeping fit

Patterns for cardi’s you could knit

Why not make a summer dress?

Ideas to make you bloody stressed

The agony aunts use many pages

About our marriage and how to save it

How to act when he has strayed

If he came back I’d have him spayed

‘Cos castration doesn’t fit this rhyme

But that would be his fate next time

And ‘cos you’re living in a mess

A “how to get the look” , for less

Make jam jars into something cool

And you have a go, you silly fool

Make clever stuff with chicken wire

For friends and Neighbours to admire

Get busy with the pinking shears

Banish all your sewing fears

They tell us we must all de-clutter

And you try, like other nutters

And when it comes to making cakes

You can’t admit you’ve never baked

It won’t look like their spongy trinkets

Yours resembles doggy biscuits

And yet we keep on buying more

Or free ones drop in through your door

But now you know you aren’t alone

It’s all right there in “Woman’s Own”